How to Keep Smiling!

With everything we’re surrounded with in our modern world, it can be a challenge sometimes to keep smiling through it all. I love to laugh and smile (often to people’s annoyance but who cares!) and this leads people to assume I never get sad or I’ve never had anything bad happen in my life or seen anything bad.

Of course this isn’t true, just like for most of us! On my travels and in daily life I’ve seen animal abuse, been treated horribly by a few people with closed hearts, had loved ones die, family dramas and had years of past personal depression- things a lot of us go through- but I always see that the good always outweighs the bad. And that’s what I really do believe- that the goodness here is always stronger than any badness.

 

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Singing always makes me smile!

Here are a few ways I keep smiling…

 

  1. Avoid the News. This isn’t saying be ignorant to current events, just choose how much you are surrounded with images of death and hopelessness which is the mood those who script the News programmes and publish papers seek to create. Avoiding biased, fear-based programming is the first step to clearing your head of the fog that keeps us from being happy.
  2. Nature! It’ll be a running joke soon that I suggest nature as the answer to most challenges, but it is true that immersing yourself in a natural setting gives a perspective that is hard to find otherwise. Using the calm of nature to still your own anxieties and running commentary really helps if you find it difficult to switch off at home. With practice, you’ll be able to bring this peace with you anywhere. Take deep breaths and focus on the birdsong, letting your own thoughts drift away as you listen to the music of nature.
  3. Connect with others. My recent blog post on this shows ways to become involved in your community to help others which in turn will help yourself. Volunteer, see family, support local shows and music and art scenes and a beautiful community spirit will grow, one you’ll be very much a part of.
  4. Travel. See the truth in the world before believing everything the media tells us. Meet people from different cultures and decide for yourself where you think people’s hearts lie and who they truly are. This again will connect you to the truth in the world, that we are not so different from each other at our core.
  5.  Create! Feeling you’re making a contribution to the world will increase feelings of happiness. This is closely related to the connecting with others idea, that by creating something others find useful or beautiful, you’ll be helping to make the world better and. Music, crafts, art, poetry- anything that you feel drawn to. It’s probably something you enjoyed doing as a child and once you pick it back up, it’ll be like you never stopped and you were meant to do it! This is how music was to me after a long break which left me very down, but once I came back to it I realised how much I love using music to make others (and myself!) happy.
  6. Get off the Internet!! I do realise the irony of saying this whilst writing a blog, that I’d like people to read- on the internet. Too much though is soul destructive as it drags us down into a world of frantic notifications and comparisons to people we barely know or people we think we know but don’t really because everything is edited beyond any meaningful reality! So spending time away, doing the above can be so beneficial. A lot of us use social media for work now so I know it’s not always easy to cut ties completely but limiting use is a great start!

 

There’s a reason smiling is also called “beaming” and that’s because it’s like a ray of sunshine beaming across all those who encounter it! Smiling really is infectious and if you share your smile with others, it’ll spread across all those you connect with and beyond so share your beautiful smile today!

Best Wishes,

Bexi

How to be you!

Welcome back!!

In this post, I want to talk about being authentic in a world that seems to value the opposite and how you can stay true to your path.

On Facebook and Instagram, we look at others and think they are leading amazing lives but the reality of it may be very different to what the output is. The truth is we can’t really know. Someone posting their pretty beach photos may be miserable there, another boasting on how much work they’re getting may be doing free gigs and being financed by their family- we can’t know but more importantly, we don’t need to know.

We don’t need to know because we must only focus on our own journey. We must stay authentic to ourselves and if that means less attention online then so be it. ‘Followers’  are not a reflection of the depth of our soul- the way we act in life is. To live a life of lies and in-authenticity is to turn away from your soul, from your true self which will eventually backfire in some way. Only focusing on what I call our surface self, will lead to a very shallow life. It is better to be honest with yourself and your heart than to disregard it in search of something you are made to feel you should be chasing. (One of my recent blog posts was about “shoulds” and how we can break this cycle!)

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Beautiful Advice!

It seems obvious to say that images are photoshopped, even videos edited frame by frame,  that people over hype themselves but we still don’t accept this as being the truth and it is deeply affecting us. When I started out singing, I had all my promotional photos edited to the point they did not look like me and I became embarrassed that when I turned up in person I didn’t look like the person on the poster! I felt I needed to do this to get bookings but actually I didn’t. I no longer send edited photos, wear false eyelashes, wear very little make up, have let my bleached hair grow out naturally and don’t pour myself in glitter as I once did and I still get booked! It can be difficult to reach a stage where you like yourself enough to present the real you, but you can get there.

Here are a few ways I use to stay authentic to myself in a world that often seems to value our surface self more than our deeper selves.

 

  • The most important thing I’ve learnt with becoming more honest with myself, is to be kind to myself. In the past I thought I was being honest in those inner mind conversations we all have but actually I was constantly berating myself for not being good enough. So look after yourself, treat your mind and body well with whatever it is that makes you happy and feel well- eating good food, resting and speaking to yourself nicely will all help you love yourself.
  • Keep a diary or a blog! Writing your thoughts down, certainly helps sieve out any of the little lies we tell ourselves. When you see your words in front of you they become their own entity and so they are easier to evaluate and assess until you can find the truth in them. A diary is usually more truthful as it’s not intended for others to read whereas with a blog, the same temptation to edit your life in the same facebook style may creep in.  Write for yourself, let your own voice flow out and you’ll write in truth.
  • Be with people who uplift you, even if that means being alone! It’s so vital to be surrounded by people who support you and if you don’t have that at this present time, then you are better off spending some time alone. I am so grateful that I have a very supportive family now, but I often need to be on my to recharge as I’m an insular person and I need and want my own company very regularly.
  • Stay off social media. Again, this is a warning often given nowadays but how many of us listen? I certainly am one who has to consciously watch how much time I spend online. It is a challenge when you’re work is intertwined with interacting with others online, but it is doable. Set specific times you will spend online and set an alarm to notify you when you might want to turn the laptop off.  Don’t let it be the first thing you wake up and the last thing you fall asleep after.

 

Of course, chasing a dream of superficial fame and fortune will be some people’s path as there are lessons to be learned here that may not be grasped elsewhere. That doesn’t mean it is your path though or that it is a fulfilling, happy one. I’m certain there are far happier people who, to Western standards, have nothing than there are on the red carpet at the Oscars.

It is said so often, but we must learn to love ourselves and know that our sparkle comes from within us- it is not measured by how much external shiny things we can pile on ourselves!

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We are not here to live someone else’s dream. You are not here to live someone else’s dream, please remember that and go and live your own dream, being the beautiful true self that you are!

Best Wishes,

Bexi

Have Some Imagination…!

Thank you for joining me over here again! Today’s chapter is about “shoulds” and the way our imagination is shaped as we grow up.

Our lives are directed with so many “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” today. We should eat this, we should stay in work longer, we should get to the gym three times a week.  We are taught from a very young age that we can’t live our lives the way we desire when this is not the case! Even if others feel it ought to be this way, if it doesn’t sit right and you have to push too much in order to achieve that “should” goal, then it may not be the best way for you to be.

Children have such beautiful imaginations and our society limits them by the time they reach adulthood. We have television that fills in all the gaps in stories so we never have to think for ourselves, and free time is constantly filled with doing instead of being and allowing imaginations to wander freely. School curriculum often leaves no time for questioning or deviating from the script of lessons. Convergent thinking (only one correct answer) is encouraged whilst divergent thinking (open expression) is valued less when this is the path that is vital to our progression.

When I was younger, the stories I used to love reading were those that told of magic, myths and adventures and I was so lucky to have been encouraged in this by my family. I reached Secondary School though and a teacher told me I shouldn’t be reading such books and should be studying more serious works. I looked up to her so I agreed and gave up my beloved stories as being babyish. I know now that this was a mistake! Surely it was a joy that I loved reading?! I was drawn to those books for a reason. They weren’t winning any awards for best writing, but they fired my imagination and gave me a place to escape to when school was hard. After that, I stopped reading for the pure love of it. I carried on reading of course, continued on all the way through to two English degrees but I never truly enjoyed it, save for a few novels. It has only been the last couple of years since I joined my local library that my true love for reading has returned. I now read books that jump out at me, not just the ones in the ‘Classics’ section.

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If you have children in your life- your own or nieces, nephews, little brothers and sisters, a friend’s child…help them to keep their imaginations strong. If they tell you a fantastical story, let them run wild with it, don’t say it doesn’t sound realistic. If you’re a teacher, remember you’re in the most important job in the world- you’re in charge of guiding our future. Do you want a future filled with creative possibilities or a dull, grey robotic one? We can all help our children and feed their imaginations and in doing so we will open our own. Time spent with a fresh mind, will re-fresh your own.

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If we’re drawn to something- a book, a band, a place, a way of living- it’s because something within it calls out to our soul. We mustn’t ignore that feeling or we risk losing our inner fire and will be forever stuck in a world of “shoulds” and “have tos”.   Whatever your age, use your inventiveness and creativity! Paint, write, sing, read books where you can transport yourself to new, exciting places in your mind. This creates a better world for us all, because we are only limited by the range of our own imagination so we must expand it to be able to build a beautiful life! Have a wonderful, imaginative week all!

Best Wishes,

Bexi