How to be you!

Welcome back!!

In this post, I want to talk about being authentic in a world that seems to value the opposite and how you can stay true to your path.

On Facebook and Instagram, we look at others and think they are leading amazing lives but the reality of it may be very different to what the output is. The truth is we can’t really know. Someone posting their pretty beach photos may be miserable there, another boasting on how much work they’re getting may be doing free gigs and being financed by their family- we can’t know but more importantly, we don’t need to know.

We don’t need to know because we must only focus on our own journey. We must stay authentic to ourselves and if that means less attention online then so be it. ‘Followers’  are not a reflection of the depth of our soul- the way we act in life is. To live a life of lies and in-authenticity is to turn away from your soul, from your true self which will eventually backfire in some way. Only focusing on what I call our surface self, will lead to a very shallow life. It is better to be honest with yourself and your heart than to disregard it in search of something you are made to feel you should be chasing. (One of my recent blog posts was about “shoulds” and how we can break this cycle!)

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Beautiful Advice!

It seems obvious to say that images are photoshopped, even videos edited frame by frame,  that people over hype themselves but we still don’t accept this as being the truth and it is deeply affecting us. When I started out singing, I had all my promotional photos edited to the point they did not look like me and I became embarrassed that when I turned up in person I didn’t look like the person on the poster! I felt I needed to do this to get bookings but actually I didn’t. I no longer send edited photos, wear false eyelashes, wear very little make up, have let my bleached hair grow out naturally and don’t pour myself in glitter as I once did and I still get booked! It can be difficult to reach a stage where you like yourself enough to present the real you, but you can get there.

Here are a few ways I use to stay authentic to myself in a world that often seems to value our surface self more than our deeper selves.

 

  • The most important thing I’ve learnt with becoming more honest with myself, is to be kind to myself. In the past I thought I was being honest in those inner mind conversations we all have but actually I was constantly berating myself for not being good enough. So look after yourself, treat your mind and body well with whatever it is that makes you happy and feel well- eating good food, resting and speaking to yourself nicely will all help you love yourself.
  • Keep a diary or a blog! Writing your thoughts down, certainly helps sieve out any of the little lies we tell ourselves. When you see your words in front of you they become their own entity and so they are easier to evaluate and assess until you can find the truth in them. A diary is usually more truthful as it’s not intended for others to read whereas with a blog, the same temptation to edit your life in the same facebook style may creep in.  Write for yourself, let your own voice flow out and you’ll write in truth.
  • Be with people who uplift you, even if that means being alone! It’s so vital to be surrounded by people who support you and if you don’t have that at this present time, then you are better off spending some time alone. I am so grateful that I have a very supportive family now, but I often need to be on my to recharge as I’m an insular person and I need and want my own company very regularly.
  • Stay off social media. Again, this is a warning often given nowadays but how many of us listen? I certainly am one who has to consciously watch how much time I spend online. It is a challenge when you’re work is intertwined with interacting with others online, but it is doable. Set specific times you will spend online and set an alarm to notify you when you might want to turn the laptop off.  Don’t let it be the first thing you wake up and the last thing you fall asleep after.

 

Of course, chasing a dream of superficial fame and fortune will be some people’s path as there are lessons to be learned here that may not be grasped elsewhere. That doesn’t mean it is your path though or that it is a fulfilling, happy one. I’m certain there are far happier people who, to Western standards, have nothing than there are on the red carpet at the Oscars.

It is said so often, but we must learn to love ourselves and know that our sparkle comes from within us- it is not measured by how much external shiny things we can pile on ourselves!

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We are not here to live someone else’s dream. You are not here to live someone else’s dream, please remember that and go and live your own dream, being the beautiful true self that you are!

Best Wishes,

Bexi

Spring Clean Yourself!

My first blog post here was to tell you my thoughts on the New Year and how we are all too harsh on ourselves at a time when the natural world is being slow and nurturing. Now the evenings are brightening and the temperature rising, this is a far better time to begin all those goals that most discarded after a week or two in January.  I’ve made a some big changes and I feel great for it, a fresh start in line with the season change!

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Here are a few ways we can take inspiration from nature to align ourselves with the change of season and create goals in a more natural way than the New Year…

 

  • Get outside! You knew this would be one of my top tips as I’m a huge advocate of spending time in nature and being outside. Being out in nature is proven to boost mood, endorphin levels and lower heart rate and blood pressure. This will make you more productive to achieve your goals but is so worth doing just to see the beauty of the world. See more health benefits here and get out there today!
  • Get your body going! If you don’t already, start shaking and waking your body up after the slower months of Winter. Start yoga, walking, dancing, swimming…whatever feels the best avenue for you. Just as the animals in hibernation are stirring from their nests, we too can break away from the slowness of winter and start to warm up for a more energetic time. Know that you don’t need  to join an expensive gym to get active though, all the suggestions above can be done at home or out in nature.
  • Create! Spring is a time of rebirth and new life and so a truer time for a new start than January. This is the best time to start new projects, dream up new plans, and flow with the energy of nature to guide you on your way! This is the time to create new works. My new creation for this time is to expand my music project into a full charity. I’m so glad I waited until now, instead of starting on the 1st January. I feel far more motivated and ready to do this now than two months ago. More info on the charity is here
  • Have a clearout! All the fallen leaves of winter are being recycled back into the earth ready to feed the growth of Spring and Summer and you can do the same in your home. Sort out old clothing that no longer suits and take it to a charity shop so someone else can find joy from it, cut up old towels to use as cleaning cloths,  start making more natural cleaning products by using things you already have (vinegar, bicarb, lemon, the peel from eaten oranges…) Wellnessmama Blog is great for tips on natural cleaning!
  • Connect with others! Spring is typically the main mating season in the natural world and whilst I’m not suggesting that you copy that precisely (unless you want to!!), it is a great time to reconnect with friends and family who you may have seen less of during the cold months and difficulty travelling due to storms and snow! Join community projects- garden and clean up work will be starting now and loads of sports activities will be getting going if that’s where your interests lie. Animal centres will be inundated now due to that mating season and will need foster homes, help with fundraising- anything you are most drawn to. Helping others will always benefit you as well and is the foundation for a beautiful world so get yourself involved!

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I hope you have a beautiful Springtime and that these tips helped on the way! I’m so excited for the changes I’m making and I know this was the right time to do them. Don’t take my word for it though, listen to your own instinct and follow the path that’s right for you. That may mean that January is a good time to get things started or that you may prefer to hold back until Summer when you feel fully rested. Whatever time you choose though, keep that Spring energy in mind, it is the time for revival so take that feeling and dance with it!

Best Wishes,

Bexi

Free Your Time, Find Your Life!

Hello!

This blog chapter, I’d like to share how important following your own way in life is, the way I freed up my time to be able to do this and how you can do the same if you feel you’re not where you want to be!

We are told that if we’re not busy, we’re not working hard enough. Our days must be packed with meetings, rushed travel, hurried emailing and feeling harassed as our inboxes expand. If we don’t work, or choose an alternative lifestyle that doesn’t fit within the 9-5 culture then we are told we are lazy and incompetent…so it seems that no one can win.

We must realise that the public figures set as inspirational for this lifestyle burn themselves out quickly- they have health problems, family connection issues and little time to enjoy the money they’ve created. Many who do have free time, through whatever reason, are made to feel so bad about themselves that they fill those extra hours with television, and maybe drink and drugs to cover that shame placed upon them by society.

Time here is a gift. It doesn’t need to be spent pursuing things you would rather not. If you would prefer to spend each afternoon reading, that can be so! Travel more, you can have that too! There is always a way around things. For example, if you would rather work part time, then examine your finances and see where you could do without something to free up extra cash that will allow you to work less.

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Before I became self employed, I worked in employment but slowly decreased my hours, over a time frame of a few months. I admit I was extremely lucky in that my employers were so supportive with my asking to lessen my days (Thanks Ann and Kerri of Mad Hatters, Chester!!) Even if right now you’re thinking your boss would never allow it, it’s still achievable!

You can do this and live the life you want! It’s only an impossible dream if you believe it to be. If you tell yourself it’s doable then you’ll find it easy. You may face obstacles. The shame of not fitting a particular culture I spoke of earlier? I’ve had that put on me, asked when I’ll get a “real job”. I choose not to accept those thoughts though as they come from years of conditioning that there’s only one way to live.

Our world is changing! We can truly live however we wish, if we set our minds to it. I’m not saying it will be without challenges, but these are to be overcome and make us stronger. There have been times when I’ve questioned my way, months when work has been slow but I always find ways to adapt so I don’t compromise how I want to live. I’ve picked up other small freelance jobs when money has been tight, I travel less when I want to see my family more. You can find your best way of living and to get started,  here are some tips I’ve learned…

  1. If you’re in employment speak with your boss and explain that you’d like to drop hours. You can cite health reasons or family if they ask and you don’t want to tell them it’s to work less or work on a side project. If they say no, perhaps take it as a sign it’s time to leave and start to look for another avenue with more flexible working hours.
  2. To supplement income in a more time efficient way if you do leave or drop hours, start a side enterprise such as an Ebay account or utilising a skill you may have such as the ability to teach piano or even good cleaning skills.
  3. Re-evaluate how much income you need to be happy and fulfilled. Often when in a salaried job, we’ll spend until our wage is gone as there is always the next month to count on. This leads us to believe we need the amount we are earning at the time and so keeps a cycle going that may not be needed. Examine what you spend on, are there areas you could cut back? This is old advice but I still see people spending an hours wage on their lunch so if that’s you, could you make yours at home instead?
  4.  To start using the time you already do have effectively, begin to focus on yourself instead of being so hurried throughout the day that you can’t switch that side off when you’re away from work. Start with ten minutes a day just sitting still. No television on, no phone near you to check emails, just you and your thoughts. At first your mind may stay scrambled and frantic, struggling to switch from active to quiet, but with practice you’ll be able to ease your thoughts.
  5. Find a pattern that works for you. We are all so different, which is why I disagree so strongly with a standard working schedule. A steady 9-5 suits some people wonderfully, whilst running someone else into the ground who would be more suited to creative work.

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We all want to follow our own goals in life and we all deserve the chance to do so. Give yourself the best chance by supporting your own dreams, not someone else’s- which you are doing if you over work yourself. Do not make yourself ill working for another’s goal. Don’t allow your path to be dictated, it is yours to tread not theirs so they can not possibly know the right way for you, only you can feel that. Trust those feelings, they will take you on beautiful adventures!

 

Best Wishes,

Bexi